So a good friend of mine played this song on the sax last night at church. Not only did he play it but he tore it up! It was sooooo good, no exaggeration at all (his credentials: 2 time all state first chair).
But anywho, while listening to him play this song at my church’s Valentine’s event, I couldn’t help but think of my current love life… or lack there off. This is not what you’re thinking; it’s not me ranting about how single I am, but the exact opposite. As I was singing the lyrics in my head, when I fall in love, I felt God just giving me a reassurance, some sort of peace (not because the song gives providence of God’s goodness but because God can use anyone and anything to reveal Himself to us). It’s as if God was telling me, that if and when I finally get into a relationship, it will be according to His time not mine. It’s not for me to be anxious or worry about because it is all according to His plan.
See relationships, or lack thereof, has always been a struggle between me and God. Especially now that some people I went to college with are are already getting engaged while I’m still in the Future Winners Club. It’s as if I would dialogue with God in my heart. God I want a girlfriend. “Am I not enough for you?” You are, I know you are, I know but in all honesty I don’t always feel it. “Are you seeking wholeheartedly?” No… “Are you running this race for me? Are you running with the finish line as your focus or are you constantly looking around?” Constantly looking around… “That is why, even when I love you more than you can even fathom, I am not enough for you. You are to seek me, you are to pursue me, above everything, I should be the center of your heart, of your life.”
That’s the thing, I get caught up in so many things besides God that God sometimes is not enough for me, even when I know in my head that He should be. So yeah, though I still and would still worry about this from time to time I already see myself growing in learning to trust Him. So until “I give my heart… completely” to another person, I need to continue pursue after the One who gave his heart completely to me on that cross. Instead of spending all my time trying to find the right girl, I should spend my time seeking the One who died for me and actively waiting on Him, so that if and when God blesses me with her, she would also be blessed with the right guy.
Matthew 6: 28-34
28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So yeah, on a side note, last weekend during brunch, some of my friends were joking about how “wise” I was and one of them asked “Why do guys like girls?” I jokingly said that it’s because they are looking for their missing rib. That joke however reminded me with a quote and I want to share with you guys.
“Woman was created from the rib of man.
She was not created from his head to be above him
Nor was she created from his foot to be trampled by him
She was taken from his side to be his equal,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
From near his heart to be loved by him.”
JAndrew,
I know all about that wholeheartedness thing you talk about – how God likely wants the attention to be on HIM and not on the human fulfillment of a hope deferred desire, like a relationship. Keep on keeping on! And thanks for being real.
Laura
Laura,
Thanks for the comment/encouragement. =)
-Jeff